still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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