I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
