dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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