you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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