I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Randomize
