Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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