I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
this hospital has no fireball
I want to fling myself into the sun
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
