Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
