i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
