I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
