And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday