I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.