Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants