Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?