Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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