'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
