It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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