you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
