A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
