After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
