I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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