First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
