watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
