Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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