how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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