OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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