one two three fourrrrnication!
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
