You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
