thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
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We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
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I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize