i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
