Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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