To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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