the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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