and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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