So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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