i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize