Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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