he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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