So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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