im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
