So drunk its hurt
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
