so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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