yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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