I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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