I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
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