I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
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Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
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Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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