it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
