i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
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I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
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I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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