I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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