Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
