dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize