I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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