apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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