Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize