Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
