The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
