i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
