Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
