But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Randomize
