Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
